January 8, 2015: The Crash | The Momma Diaries

Monday, May 18, 2015

January 8, 2015: The Crash

It was going to be a perfect day.  We woke Avery up from his nap, and headed to pick up Lincoln from school.  Then it was off to an early dinner, followed by the big surprise...Disney on Ice!!!

Of course the surprise was a huge hit! We're a Disney loving family!!  However, our magical night quickly turned from this...

To this...

Driving home from the show, we got a flat tire.  My husband pulled our car off to the side of the road. In fact, it was not even on the road.  It was on the grass.  While I called AAA, he checked on the damage to the tire, and to make sure we had a spare.  Avery started to fuss, so I unbuckled my seat belt to make him a bottle.

I remember thinking, "what are the chances that someone could hit us?" I brushed the thought from my mind.  Clearly I was over-analyzing the situation.

Jared got back into the car, and we were chatting about our fun night, when suddenly he screamed, "KAMI, NO!!!"

And then it happened.  I felt the impact of an 18-wheeler hitting us, at full speed.  It was all in slow motion.  While our SUV was jolted forward and rolling, a million thoughts ran through my head.

This is how it ends.  All four of us.  Gone.  How incredibly unfair. What I wouldn't give to cuddle my boys again.  To tell my husband I love him. My parents would have to bury their daughter. How could they ever recover from something like that? I knew they wouldn't. My brother would lose his only sibling. All our family and friends we would leave behind.  This is how it ends.  So tragically. 

I was tossed around our suburban.  My head crashed either into the windshield or roof -- or both.  My body landed wedged in the console area.

And then we stopped.

I heard Jared calling my name.  I responded, however, when he asked if I was okay I told him I was not. I couldn't feel anything from my waist down.  There were tingling sensations all throughout my body.  It oddly felt like I was floating. My rib cage felt exceptionally swollen. I glanced at my left leg, and saw it was in a position it certainly didn't belong in. I was crunching glass in my mouth from the windshield, and I was having trouble breathing.

I knew something was wrong with my neck. I grabbed my head and held it in a stable position the entire time.

But then I heard the most reassuring sound. My two children crying.  Were they okay??

"Jared, go check the boys! Don't worry about me! Check the boys!!"

They were perfect.  Not a scratch on them. They were just understandably scared. They were going to be okay!  But I was not.

"Mommy, Mommy...are you okay?" My sweet Lincoln asked me. We were just in a huge crash, and my baby wanted to make sure his mommy was okay.

Tears streaming down my face, I told him how much I loved him. I kept saying it. Over and over. Hoping he would always remember my love for him.

Jared was able to get the boys out of the car, and into a police cruiser.  I thought I would never see my children again.

While waiting for what seemed like forever for the ambulance to arrive, I tried my hardest to stay calm. But the reality was, I thought I was going to die.

When you think you're dying, it's all those "little things" that you think about.  For starters, Avery would never remember me. My sweet little baby. He would never remember his mommy. Lincoln's little heart would be broken. My husband would have to raise our two boys on his own. The thought of him finding someone else seemed unbearable, but I would want him to be happy.

I thought of the things I would miss. Seeing Avery's first steps, watching Lincoln play tee ball. Dancing with my boys on their wedding day. 

I thought of my funeral.  My parents weeping. My brother being forced to remain strong for them. My husband in a state of shock with our two boys. Lincoln's big brown eyes filled with tears. 

I don't consider myself an overly religious person, but in those moments I prayed there really was a heaven. I prayed I would somehow be with my family spiritually, if I was unable to be with them physically. 

What was it going to feel like to die? To take my last breath?

I was so, so scared.

And then suddenly there was help!! So many people. They were all talking so calmly. I just kept begging for them to save me. I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for. 

Surprisingly, it didn't take them very long to get me out of the car. And when they moved me...I felt PAIN in my legs!! Although no one welcomes pain, I knew this was a good sign that I could feel it. I told them I had Osteogenesis Imperfecta...which seemed almost pointless because I knew my body was broken in many, many pieces. 

Before they loaded me into the ambulance, Jared came to tell me he would be in another ambulance with the boys. He said they were okay, but still needed to be checked out.  He told me he loved me and he would see me at the hospital. 

I was quickly brought into the ambulance, so we could begin our journey to the emergency room. 


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