Take the long way home. | The Momma Diaries

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Take the long way home.

Last year I opened up to you all and told you about my struggle with anxiety & panic disorder.  Since then, I have continued to see my therapist every 3 weeks or so.  While my anxiety level is certainly no where near it was one year ago, it is still something that is a part of me, and always will be.  I think going to talk to someone really helps.  I cannot say enough positive things about my therapist, and I really would encourage anyone struggling with anything in their life to go talk to someone.  Yes, making that first phone call is scary.  The thought of ever being in therapy used to terrify me. But honestly?  I am so thankful I did.  It has made such a difference in my life. 
Last week I had an appointment with my therapist.  We were chatting and she asked me what I do for myself, as in "me time."  I had to think long and hard, but my answer was essentially "nothing." 
Jared plays hockey.  He does this normally once a week.  Depending on the season, sometimes more. 
If I'm being completely honest, the only time I really get a "break" so to say, is when we spend time at my parents house.  But, I don't think I'd exactly consider that "me time." 
Please don't misunderstand what I'm writing.  I adore every single second I get to spend with my sweet boy.  And, I wouldn't trade being a stay at home mom for anything in the world.  But with that being said, I think it's important that I don't lose my sense of self.  Sure I am Lincoln's Mommy, but I am not only Lincoln's Mommy.  And I think as Mother's, sometimes we lose our sense of identity.  We brought this sweet babe into the world.  And naturally, it consumes us.  This is not a bad thing by any means.  However, I think it's important to not lose your true being.  And yes, being a Mother is a part of who you are.  It's a big part.  But like a puzzle, there are so many other pieces.  There is so much more to your self. 
My therapist encouraged me to take the long way home that day.  So, I did.
I got in my car, and drove out of the way to Dunkin' Donuts.  I ordered myself a french vanilla iced coffee.  I plugged in my iPod and cranked up the volume.  I rolled down my windows and let my hair blow in the wind.  I breathed in that beautiful fresh air. 
And when I got home?  I arrived to a sleeping daddy and baby boy.  Which meant, I got to spend some quality time with this girl...
I sometimes feel guilty that I don't get enough time to spend with our sweet girl, Evy.  She is such a sweet pup.  And so incredibly loyal. Wherever I go, she follows me.  I chose to spend my free time with her.  We played ball, and snuggled on the couch.  She makes a fabulous pillow. 
And when my boys woke up from their nap, I was greeted by a very excited boy who practically flew into my arms all while screaming, "MOMMA!!!!"
It was exactly what I needed.

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