Discipline | The Momma Diaries

Thursday, December 8, 2011


It's a topic with much controversy.  But as parents, it's something we have to deal with.  How will we discipline our children? 

I am a firm believer in Attachment Parenting.  This is a more of a positive discipline approach.  Rather than reacting to the behavior in a negative way, you need to first discover what needs are leading to the behavior.  Is your child bored?  Angry? Sad? Hungry?  Jealous?  There are a million different reasons for a child to perform certain behaviors.

I never realized this was the form of parenting I believed in until I actually googled and read up on it.  But it seriously fits my parenting style perfectly.

I am a firm believer in no spanking.  There will under no circumstances be any hitting.  To me, spanking shows a child that violence is okay.  It provokes fear into their mind.  As a parent, do you really want your child to fear you? 

This is where I have [yet another] problem when my in laws come into the picture.  My in laws always comment on how children should be "well disciplined."  Their form of discipline is equivalent to a lot of yelling, negative tone, spankings, and giving their hands a "little swat" when they touch something they're not supposed to. 

This scares the hell out of me

Lincoln has always adored my father in law.  In fact, up until recently he would even watch Lincoln for me if I had a doctors appointment.  A few weeks ago something changed.  Lincoln has not been the same with my father in law since.  While I don't believe he actually hit him, I think he was probably a little too stern with him.  Needless to say, he won't be babysitting Lincoln anytime soon. 

Call me an overprotective parent if you'd like.  I don't care.  Lincoln is my number one priority.  I have to do what I feel is best for him.  I am his Momma.  No one else.  And people need to respect that.

What parenting styles work for you?  I realize there are all sorts of parenting styles, and what might work for one person doesn't necessarily work for another.  However YOU are your child's only advocate when they are this little.  Whatever you decide works best for your family is something that should be respected by everyone else involved in your child's life. 

Discipline is a tricky matter.  It's hard!  But, finding a method that works for your family is so important.  Everyone needs to be on the same page regarding YOUR decisions on how to discipline your child.  And if they don't like it?  Too damn bad.


  1. We're proponents of gentle discipline and natural consequences. It just fits in with our (also AP) lifestyle, and I truly believe in it. I've yet to witness a tantrum.

    You trust your gut. Go with it! You'll never regret that.

  2. I was spanked as a child, never excessively, never overly hard, never with a belt, always a firm swat on the butt and just enough for me to get the point. It didn't scar me for life, in fact, looking back on it, it made me respect my parents more.

    At some point in Thad's life he'll probably be spanked. You asked about wanting your kid to fear you - there is a fine line between fear/respect and fear/terrified. I want my child to fear me in the way that he knows he shouldn't be doing whatever he's doing wrong. I want that "fear" of his parents to help guide him while his brain is still too underdeveloped to make rational decisions. I want that "fear" to help guide him in making the right decisions when he's faced with all the wrong ones.

    Now that said, I was never smacked or swatted randomly, my hands were never smacked away from something, etc. I was only ever spanked when there was a big need for discipline (reinforcing safety, life, etc.) and there was never any other physical contact outside of that (negative I mean, I was hugged and kissed...lol). My family isn't a quite family, but that doesn't mean we got yelled at all the time. My parents were known for having that "tone" that would stop you from doing something. I use that "tone" with my high school students, it works and it's not physical. I don't believe in spanking for every little discipline issue, but I do believe there is a time and a place for spanking. I will never use a belt, it will always be a hand. It will never be excessive. There will never be anything other "hitting" involved in my parenting. I don't believe in it.

    This obviously stems from the way I was raised, but also from my job as a teacher. The kids I teach are the ones that were raised in the widely accepted "time-out" method of discipline. These kids don't fear their parents, they don't fear adults, they don't fear consequences (because honestly, who fears time-out?) - they don't respect adults because of this lack of "fear." Many of these kids tell their parents what to do and get away with it. I truly believe that had most of my students been swatted on the butt a couple of times, they wouldn't act they way they do, they would respect their parents and other adults.

    Anyway, sorry I wrote so much, I really didn't mean to. I wholeheartedly respect your parenting style and it sounds like a really great fit for you. I hope I haven't offended you, but maybe given you some insight into how the other half thinks. =)

  3. Reverse psychology works for me. But I agree with no hitting, though I try my best not to spank my daughter. Hitting makes them think it's ok to hit.

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